In honour of World Toilet Day: Top 5 SF movies with toilet scenesNovember 19, 2008
We found it difficult to believe too, but yes, it appears there is a World Toilet Day. Like a trainwreck, we couldn’t turn away from the awful possibility of working this scatalogical subject into Not A Planet Anymore, especially since the astronomical body this blog was inspired by is at the ass-end of the solar system, and, correspondingly, some have suggested this blog is at the ass-end of the ‘net. But we’ve never claimed to be totally highbrow here – at least, not all the time. So we sat and thought, ’cause toilets are good for that, and we’ve plunged the depths of our memories to flush out a list that is somehow relevant. And so, we give to you (you may have to jiggle the handle a bit):
The Top 5 SF Movies with Toilet Scenes
5. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Of all the speculation that goes on in the Potter books and films about the afterlife, the haunting of one of the girls’ washrooms at Hogwarts by Moaning Myrtle has to be one of the more unpleasant, if not actually horrific, possibilities. Imagine dying, only to find yourself lurking in the plumbing, spending the hours looking at soap rings around the bathtubs and becoming an expert on the cleanliness of the cans? Having the scene up on screen with Myrtle splashing in and out of the toilets was just plain uncomfortable to watch and downright depressing.
4. Sin City
And speaking of splashing around in the toilets, this graphic novel and film took the torture of waterboarding to disgusting new lows when Marv decides to find out who’s behind the murder of his lovely ladyfriend. But one sequence of bobbing for something decidely other than apples isn’t enough for this flick. Nope. It needed the follow-up by Dwight showing Jackie Boy just what should happen to someone who beats up their squeeze.
And from splashing to downright erupting, the appearance (or is that excrescence?) of the Golgothan in the john at a stripjoint has to be the worst cinematic abuse of a toilet. Lucky for the Last Zion though, Silent Bob comes prepared to deal with any situation, or, for that matter, any chief assassin of hell.
2. 2001 – A Space Odyssey
Please: no jokes here about Number Two.
Credit here to harrysaxon for steering the list towards something a little more meaningful and a lot less revolting. “[It's] always stuck with me when Floyd is headed to the bathroom on the shuttle to the Moon, and is confronted with a list of instructions akin to building a nuclear bomb from Japanese instructions.” Not only did Kubrick and Clarke present a realistic scene of going to take a leak in zero-g, but they did so at a time when that sort of thing just wasn’t discussed, let alone shown, in polite society (years later the sitcom “All in the Family” made history with a flush during primetime, though not in space).
1. Jurassic Park
Again, no jokes about Number One, please.
Bad enough that a guy’s sent to ensure an amusement park investment isn’t a total washout, but the weather sucks, the car breaks down, and instead of being the hero he’s trying to be, he’s chased by a T-Rex. And, to add insult to injury, when he’s on the can – the place where a man should be safest – the roof is torn off and said prehistoric predator eats him. It had to be the lawyer too. That alone catapults this flim to the top of a list that’s truly at the bottom.
Ghoulies – How many people saw that flick purely on the strength of the little monster thing popping up out of the john in the TV ad campaign?
The Tick (live action series) – Okay, this one’s from TV, rather than the movies, but you’ve gotta give credit to a series where the hero, The Tick, is so utterly stupid that he spends most of an episode closeted in the, er, watercloset, trying to argue with the toilet – and by argue, we don’t mean vomit, either – no, The Tick is actually trying to browbeat and reason with the plumbing. But to no effect. The toilet was cold to The Tick’s rhetoric. Warburton was a genius in that series.
Having completed this list, we’ll now attempt to rise out of the sewer to a higher level of discourse – the gutter, where we belong.
Remember to flush.