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Top 10 “Battlestar Galactica” spinoffs you’ll never see

April 22, 2009

In honour of the recent release of the pilot of the Battlestar Galactica prequel Caprica, we put our heads together (and a hollow knocking sound was heard throughout the region) and came up with a list of other possible spinoffs you’re not likely to see anytime soon:

10) CSI: New Caprica
Every episode: “The Cylon did it.”

9) Centurion Idol
“Your delivery of ‘by your command’ was soulless and mechanical!”

8 ) Survivor: Prehistoric Earth
“Okay, we’ve got four people left from the Saggitaron tribe and the Tauron tribe. To avoid elimination in this round, everyone will have to kill their own one ton short-faced bear. Since Bob over here won immunity in the last round, he gets the handgun with the last bullet in existence. The rest of you: a stick. Missin’ your nasty technology yet?”

7) The Pythian Prophecies Hour
“The Lords of Kobol have commanded that I raise 2 million cubits to build a new opera house. Send your donation and you will be saved, brothers and sisters!

6) Leave it to Baltar
“Baltar, I think you were a little hard on Six today.”
“Yes. Yes I was.”

5) Cooking with Algae
“Today we’ll be talking about how to tell the difference between Temple of the Final Five algae and run-of-the-mill bacterial growth from your ship’s waste reclaimation system. And that’s a good thing.”

4) This Old Sublight Barge
“On this episode, we’ll show you how to use a socket set to retrofit that old transport of yours with an FTL drive you’ve scavenged from a derelict liner left behind by the Cylons after they took everyone aboard to a breeding farm.”

3) Monday Night Pyramid
“You know, those C-Bucks have really got an ace with Anders, I mean, he never misses a shot, it’s like he’s a machine!”

2) Worlds Wrestling Fembots – title bout: Sharon vs Six
’nuff said.

1) The Cylon Bunch
Sing it with me: “Here’s the story/ of a guy named Cavil/ who was bringing up 3 very lovely clones…”

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