Posts Tagged ‘Earth’

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Top 10 “Battlestar Galactica” spinoffs you’ll never see

April 22, 2009

In honour of the recent release of the pilot of the Battlestar Galactica prequel Caprica, we put our heads together (and a hollow knocking sound was heard throughout the region) and came up with a list of other possible spinoffs you’re not likely to see anytime soon:

10) CSI: New Caprica
Every episode: “The Cylon did it.”

9) Centurion Idol
“Your delivery of ‘by your command’ was soulless and mechanical!”

8 ) Survivor: Prehistoric Earth
“Okay, we’ve got four people left from the Saggitaron tribe and the Tauron tribe. To avoid elimination in this round, everyone will have to kill their own one ton short-faced bear. Since Bob over here won immunity in the last round, he gets the handgun with the last bullet in existence. The rest of you: a stick. Missin’ your nasty technology yet?”

7) The Pythian Prophecies Hour
“The Lords of Kobol have commanded that I raise 2 million cubits to build a new opera house. Send your donation and you will be saved, brothers and sisters!

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Top 15 totally unexpected alternate endings for “Battlestar Galactica”

March 26, 2009

Ah, the post-mortem phase of a TV series. Everybody (us included) is weighing-in these days on BSG’s finale, offering their woulda/shoulda/coulda speculations about alternatives to the ending viewers were given. And some are pretty creative. We decided to take it into the realm of the absurd. Here are some of our suggestions for ways the final episode could have ended that would really have surprised viewers:

15) Starbuck turns out to be an angel, Baltar and Six are angels – kind of. And Apollo’s an angel. And Rosalin and Adama are angels. Yeah, yeah. Everyone’s an angel. Isn’t that what your preschool teacher told you?

14) A group of Colonial settlers comes over a rise to find several dozen Earthlings crouched around a mysterious black monolith, thoughtfully swinging the animal bones they’ve just learned can help them get meat.

13) Galactica jumps into the vicinity of the black hole ready for a fight, only to find Cavil’s already fallen victim to the recession and a force more powerful than a legion of centurions – mortgage bankers – has put a “foreclosure/repossessed” sign on the Cylon colony’s front gate.

12) The Fleet finds Earth – not during the early days of mankind, but during the era of the dinosaurs, which are too many and too dangerous to permit colonization… that is until Baltar looks out a porthole, spots a passing asteroid and says “Do you know, I think I have an idea…”

11) Things look grim for the Colonials as their marine boarding party seems overwhelmed by enemy centurions, when suddenly, lawyers for Warner Brothers appear armed with lawsuits ordering NBC to shut the Cylon colony down for looking too much like a Shadow vessel from Babylon 5.

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Top 5 things I wanted to see in “Battlestar Galactica”, but didn’t

March 18, 2009

Yes, I know, BSG is not technically over yet – there’s still the finale on Friday – but for all intents and purposes, it’s history. And while I think it’s one of the best shows on TV ever, regardless of genre, it wasn’t perfect. Here are the Top 5 Things I Wanted to See in BSG, But Didn’t:

5) An episode with survivors on New Caprica
With an evacuation as large, complex and sudden as the one on New Caprica when Galactica came to the rescue, there must have been people (either wounded, knocked-out, or just out in the woods picking mushrooms) who were left behind. Little Hera is proof of that. Sure the Cylons probably made a cursory sweep of the place afterward, but under the circumstances, given the massive success of the fleet’s getaway, I doubt they made much of an effort. Realistically, there would have been a few stranded there permanently. I thought it would have been interesting to have cut back there for a Robinson Crusoe-type of episode (similar to the episode finally shedding light on Starbuck’s fate in the old series). But then again, that would have dampened the pace of the series’ main plot and feeling of forward movement with everyone finally together for better or worse. Still it could have made for an interesting one-off special like “Razor”.

4) Centurion integration into the new rebel Cylon society

We’re only given a couple of brief hints about life aboard the rebel Cylon basestar with the newly self-aware Centurion models: the humanoids have to say please and thank-you to get the big toasters to do the menial work now, and at least one displayed receptivity to Baltar’s seditious sermonizing. Beyond that, we don’t see the Centurions much and have no idea how their integration with their former masters is going. Certainly it has a lot of bearing not only on the social harmony aboard the basestar, but seeing as how the basestar will be the protector of the Fleet, the degree to which the Centurions are getting along with the skin-jobs has a lot of impact on the potential safety of the entire fleet and the survival of humanity. If only the show had a little more time, this is a plot line that should have been explored.

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Gaeta’s Galactica: Where ideals go to die

February 3, 2009

Warning: Spoilers

It’s hard to hate BSG’s Felix Gaeta, even though he’s become a treasonous little dink. He is, after all, a victim of his own idealism.

His biggest crime (aside from the whole mutiny thing, and all the deaths, injuries and various other possible associated assaults that go with it) is repeating the same mistake over and over – failing to consider the consequences of what happens when he pursues his ideals too blindly. Three times now his inability to think things through, see the situation for all of its multi-faceted greyness and understand how utterly necessary compromise is for human survival, has resulted in this normally competant young officer backing the wrong horse, and by horse I mean nightmare. What’s worse is that these absolute-driven decisions have resulted in escallating degrees of chaos and death.

We saw the first glimmerings of this in season one (and this is merely to set the stage, it’s not one of his big three tragic mistakes) in “Final Cut” where he confides that all he ever wanted was to be an officer aboard a battlestar, and now that he’s there, he doesn’t know what he wants anymore. The first indication of the pattern where he pursues the ideal without thinking it through – without asking what happens on the other side.

But the first true mistake comes during the Rosalin-Baltar election,where Gaeta uncovers the evidence of ballot tampering by Rosalin’s team. Rather than sit down and think things through, rather even than becomming an informed cynic and washing his hands of the entire dirty mess of politics, Gaeta goes rushing to the side of his hero, Baltar, and winds up propping-up his clumsy administration during the year on New Caprica before the Cylons came, and continuing to act as yes-man under the new Cylon regime. On this occasion, he at least had some degree of redemption by feeding information to the resistance. But it doesn’t take away from the fact that he’s exercised poor judgement and is living with the consequences.

During the Cylon occupation (as recently revealed to us in the 2008/2009 webisodes), Gaeta made his second fatal decision. Desperate to do something to get some people away from  Cylon persecution, he forged an alliance with an 8, one based not only on subterfuge but on romance. The problem with being wrapped up in his romantic ideal of playing a role in a kind of Schindler’s List scenario, feeding names to the 8 to get the people to safety, was that he didn’t consider she could be playing him, and didn’t bother to follow-up to see if all of them actually escaped. His feelings for the 8 – again rooted in the ideal – certainly helped blind him to what was going on. As bad as propping-up Baltar’s presidency was, this was worse – Felix Gaeta’s own actions led to the deaths of his fellow Colonial humans.

Which brings things to the current blunder – the mutiny. Fuelled by anger over the alliance wth the rebel Cylons; fear of Cylon technology aboard Colonial ships; disappointment at the discovery of a dead “Earth” (I’m still not convinced this is the real Earth); dispair at the thought of a hopeless future of wandering the stars being hounded by Cavil’s Cylons; and depression, frustration, physical pain and possibly madness resulting from the loss of his leg and the circumstances that led to it, Gaeta has now decided that Admiral Adama is no longer fit to command Galactica or lead the Fleet. Assembling a force of discontented crew and civilians (several malcontents among them), he’s sprung Tom Zerek from the brig and led a bloody insurrection. And this time, it’s not just a few colonists on New Caprica who have died as a result of Cylon orders. No, this time his screw-up has risen to a whole new level where Gaeta’s issuing the orders about who to fight and where. In an immediate sense, this has led to dozens, perhaps hundreds of his own shipmates, along with many civilians aboard the battlestar, getting wounded or killed. This is fighting that has seen people like the new deck chief who are just doing their jobs die, as well as idealists like the young crewman who took a bullet to save Adama, and who knows how many others just caught in the middle. If Gaeta had thought it through, he would have been forced to ask himself about how wrong this is. He would have been forced to ask himself how could it possibly be beneficial to deplete and weaken humanity’s already small defence force with infighting. Moreover, this is a move that puts the power of the Fleet into Zerek’s hands and jeopardizes humanity’s existence. Never mind the long-term possibility of Zerek’s tyranny, let’s look at the likelihood of honking-off the rebel Cylons who are sitting on a load of nukes in their basestar at point blank range, who might not take kindly to their alliance being broken or the lives of their Final Four being threatened. That couldn’t lead to disaster, could it? The fighting aboard Galactica has ultimately landed Gaeta in the company of people his ideals normally wouldn’t allow him to associate with. He’s now giving orders to Specialist Gage(who’s taken Gaeta’s station in the CIC), a rapist, torturer and thug of Lieutenant Thorn’s aboard the Pegasus. He’s now taking orders from Tom Zerick, Vice-President of the Colonies, but also a wannabe Stalinist dictator, convicted terrorist and murderer, instigator of riot and assault aboard a prison ship where he was prepared to allow a fellow inmate to rape Cally, and architect of an assasination plot during his election race against Rosalin. And Gaeta is directly responsible for all of this – no excuses. It’s still a case of Gaeta jumping at his ideals without stopping to consider the consequences or other alternatives.

And so Gaeta’s almost a Shakespearean character, eschewing temperance for absolute ideals and righteous indignation and consequently landing on the bad side of fortune.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not a total cynic. There are other idealists aboard Galactica/the Fleet who thrive. Lee Adama is one of them. He always strives to make things the way they ought to be, and yet he sees the situations, and the other players, for what they are and knows compromise is sometimes the only way to advance, or to prevent a total loss.

Gaeta’s still basically a good kid, but it’s his inability to be like Apollo and see the world for its greyness and think things through, his inability to learn from mistakes that couldn’t be any clearer as lessons, that has led to tragedy. He’s not worthy of hatred. That’s reserved for real villains like Zerek or Cavil. Gaeta, though worthy of punishment, is to be pitied.